Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: hello :D « Result #3 on Oct 30, 2009, 3:17pm »
yeah, i think it was a good idea, this forum...it just never got the attention it deserved you know? if we had been able to get people to join and post regularly...it would have been a great forum.
i see no life in it anymore though, i think AI is done for.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #4 on Oct 30, 2009, 3:08pm »
hmm, its a good question...i think the reason i stay is because of those people. they are all lost and so am i, and even though they do whatever it takes to get by, they still try and help me out.
I didnt have a life before this, i was just...alive and wrapped up in my young life. i still lived with my parents, who didnt treat me well and are also alcoholics. i was really alone because i honestly had no friends other then the ones i made on the internet.
i just wanted to know what the world was like. And its really tough when you are on your own with a small amount of money. and ya know, a dysfunctional relationship doesnt help it either i definitely learned a lot though. i am always stressed out and frustrated with my life, because its one problem after the next but...its life. it goes on weather you want it to or not.
and sometimes i just want to scream and cry all night(sometimes i do) but i guess when it comes down to it...i just have to get over it ^^;
i was so fed up when i wrote on this board last, im trying to get stable enough to where i can go farther in life. its frustrating when it is set back after set back, there is never a moment where things just go right. i dont even know if i could write anymore, its been years since i wrote an actual story, or anything like that... i definitely lost my passion for writing and it makes me so sad...because its what kept me going when i was young...and now the only thing that keeps me going is weed and alcohol...how horrible is that?
sorry i didnt reply my dear, i do not check this thing at all ): everyone should add me on myspace though if they havent! i miss you guys, we all got along pretty well...im sad i pretty much lost touch with all of you.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 432 Location: Sydney, Australia
Re: thoughts « Result #5 on Oct 29, 2009, 4:29am »
Oh brandi!!! That's awful! Why do you stay there! Life isn't all bad!! =[ I miss this forum too.. I even posted a hello in the general thread the other day, but you never responded <333
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #6 on Oct 23, 2009, 3:42pm »
This place is one dead childish dream of mine.
it makes me miss how naive and sheltered i was when i first opened this forum. my whole life was the internet.
i am a 19 year old girl who lives in an apartment full of lost people. my boyfriend is 8 years older then me and an alcoholic. i barely make enough money to pay my bills, sometimes i cant pay them all...sometimes i go days with just eating the smallest things.
and my eyes are opened to the world. the harsh reality that life is hard and never gets better.
and people do heartless things just so they can get by. and the ones you love the most let there demons come before you.
and when you look into the future you wonder what could possibly be worth it.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 432 Location: Sydney, Australia
hello :D « Result #7 on Oct 20, 2009, 10:19pm »
I miss this place. Makes me sad that it sort of died. Myurrrrrr =[ You began a lot of friendships here, and for that I thank you. Just wanted to come and check it out. Its nice.. It deserves more members.
Joined: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 156 Location: Pennsylvania
Re: where we have gone. « Result #8 on Aug 17, 2009, 11:50pm »
Oh that actually sounds like a brilliant idea. I could do that as well. I have also talked to a few of my friends about this website (the few that actually enjoy writing and such) but to no avail...
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,221 Location: Apocolypse Taco.
Re: where we have gone. « Result #9 on Aug 17, 2009, 11:22pm »
Ohh, contests do sound fun. I remember we tried to spark a few, to no avail, but the idea's very tantalizing. I'm not sure what else to do either. I've posted links on my various pages, but no one ever looks at those anyways and I've talked to people to try and get them to join. Mi and I have stabbed at this place with RP posts for the past forever and there's no way I'd let this place go without a fight. Though, I may only post in one area it gives me worlds of happiness. If I lost that, it'd cut me very deeply.
I'm game for figuring out a way to put some flowing blood back in this corpse-like place! I was sort of thinking of maybe making flyers and sticking them around my campus or handing them to writing teachers, if that sounds good.
Joined: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 156 Location: Pennsylvania
Re: where we have gone. « Result #10 on Aug 17, 2009, 2:21pm »
Hmm...whatever happened to assigning members different forums? And maybe creating new ones. Expanding it? And the writing contests. Sure, I remember there werent enough members to start that. But I think it wouldve been fine with just a dozen or so? Anything to get it started and active, you know? Idk...its just some ideas. I think this website just needs something big to bring everyone, or even most of its members back.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
where we have gone. « Result #11 on Aug 7, 2009, 2:22am »
Its been so very long since this board has buzzed with any worthwhile activity. aside from a few pointless blogging and endless RP posts...AI is a ghost town.
My neglect to AI was in the end, when it lost hope.
Dear admin did not have time for her forum. Running it all by myself, it got frustrating at times. So much effort and time put in to make it attractive, to make it appeal to people. However i got fed up with being the one and only person that advertised for hours, only to get few members who barely or never at all posted.
all that and of course my own personal life getting a lot more complicated and dark made me forget altogether about this place.
and while went through months of hell deciding how to live my life and trying to get by just enough so that i wasnt homeless, and trying dangerous things just in hopes that it would help escape reality, i wished i remembered what it was like to write a story.
because i had forgotten what it was like to do my once, most important priority. i had forgotten what it was like when inspiration hits. i barely remember the feeling of when your words just flow out into perfect sentences one after the other so rapidly that afterward you sit back amazed.
i forgot what it was like to help out those that had the same passion. share my knowledge and personal opinions and enjoy interaction with others i felt were good friends.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,221 Location: Apocolypse Taco.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #12 on May 30, 2009, 10:38pm »
Timmy threw himself out of the bed and quickly moved into the hall. It wasn't an easy task to dodge most of the doctors and nurses (lets just say there was many a dramatic leap behind a desk or two), but he finally managed to make it into a locker room. After finding an open locker and "borrowing" a few clothes, he managed to make himself look like the average Joe. "Now, I can get the hell out of here," he wmumbled t himself as he left the locker room.
It wasn't long at all before he reached the exit to the hospital and took his first steps over the threshold as a free man. Timmy took in a deep breath and strolled into the parking lot. Nothing felt this good, not a damn thing in so long. He looked up into a clear, blue sky with a feeling that things really could work out this time. He was so enthralled with this feeling of complete happiness that he collided directly into someone, sending him crashing back onto the pavement.
"Ackkk! Shit, I'm sorry! I didn't even--," Timmy gasped deeply as he stared up at the person he'd hit. It couldn't be, there was no possible way. He was free and he had to run into this person?! NOW?!?
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #13 on May 24, 2009, 11:58pm »
Im not sure why i keep writing here. in my dead forum...i suppose it still feels like something to me. and its the only place i...feel safe writing about my life.
But today was not good. it was stressful as all hell. Basically just work related.
You see im pretty much the reliable one at work. I get the long shifts and i get the full-time position. i come in at 7 AM when everyone comes in at 8. i leave at 3 PM when everyone leaves at 1 PM. but today....i knew right off the bat my day would be bad. It was one bitchy customer after the next. telling me how it should be, what they fucking want and im sorry, but im just trying to do my job not be your fucking maid. through it all i wondered if any one of them realised what huge ass's they are making of themselves. Because thats not a way to go through life, putting people down just because you CAN.
Fuck that.
i went and bought a pack of camel crushes and cried my eyes out for 2 hours when i got off of work.
and then i drank the rest of my champagne.
But i realised this is getting nowhere. I honestly want to start talking about what the fucking has been happening the last 3 months. its kind of a blur because through most of it i was delirious or drunk or sick or depressed.
mostly drunk....
i have one question though. How the hell....do i start living for myself again. its wierd. because daily life comes first...food in the kitchen, bills paid...toilet paper and soap. all that. but if i have the means to do or start something for myself.....im really not sure what to even start. Maybe something fitness related....an instroment? should i just pay of my hospital debt...should i pay for my GED? fucking....its like theres so much yet i just cant find the right answer.
im trying to think of me and what i need to do....to make life worth it again. because i have a boyfriend and i love him and he does make me happy.
But there is so much more you need in life to be happy.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #14 on May 21, 2009, 11:34pm »
i feel like i just survived a war or something....
the last 3 months of my life suddenly came down to on moment.
My weakest moment.
My breaking point.
its crazy, because each day seemed to get worse and worse. It was constant fighting, never any money and non stop stress about bills, my job, my boyfriend, myself, the future.
Sometimes when the day was over, i would curl up in a bed that still doesnt feel like mine....and happily think of nothing but the peace and quit around me at that very moment.
I know a lot of people that have major life problems. In fact most of my best friends have been divorced, have kids, have addictions, are in debt, have cancer and have been abused mentally and physically by people in there lives.
And it scares me, but it also comforts me. Because in my weakest points....when i was so distraught that i needed to get so drunk that i could barely think.....those people would give me the smartest advice. And all of them say "brandi....i see apart of me in you, but your young...it doesnt have to be that way"
And i know that. And here i am....still sitting ontop of a pile of shit. trying to find the worth in what i do have.
ive been put through years of abuse from my parents, and ive watched them abuse themselves and eachother.
and now....i see myself becoming like them.
something i promised i would never do.
today is the 5th day that things have been better. hopefully i keep making myself climb upwards from here, because i can go no lower, if i do...i will die. But the reason i am writing this is because i was sitting in MY apartment, alone for once....because all of my rooomates were at work. and i realised that this is what i asked for.
Now, i asked for it when i was much more naive and had no idea how all of it would fuck with my mind so harshly....but i still wanted it. And although, as i said....im still sitting ontop of a pile of shit...at least i feel like i am alive. and you know what? At least i know...i would never give up...because my mind is in the right place.
but you see, my roommate....one of my best friends....is only 25 and was married for 7 years. just got divorced. she gave her marriage her all and fucking is.....nowhere in life. in fact, now she hates life....has a lot of issues with people and men. Swears to never have kids....she is so broken that i dont think even i could help her be happy again.
But you see....i am alot like her. because i am doing exactly what she was doing 7 years ago....making her life about the one she loves. And you know what? that doesnt work. You have to fucking live life for yourself. and then when your stable and you have a good life, you can start to combine your life with someone who is also in that place.
near the end of it all...just before my breaking point(which i wont recall here because it is much to shameful) i remember being in a state of....pure hate. i hated life....i hated everything. i hated myself.
No more of that. its worthless.
I'll write more later however. My love is sitting in the living room by himself and i think he needs some hugs and kisses.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #15 on Apr 11, 2009, 1:26am »
its really quite tragic how everything went. Im a strong minded person, i have good morals and i knew what made me happy. And i foolishly fell in love with someone i knew was bad. I suppose he isnt completely bad, he just has bad habits...most of which im sure i dont even know about.
Love is the cruelest thing in the world. On taste and your addicted for life. It is vicious, tempting, and if your lucky....satisfying.
I tell you all right now....im addicted to the man i fell in love with. He could treat me like the worst piece of shit in the world and i probably wouldnt leave him.
To be honest though...he doesnt treat me badly at all. he's just a dishonest man, who is selfish, and a coward. But he loves me very much. He's a gentle man....he takes care of me.
But through everything thats happened....i have changed into a completely different person. The girl that tried over and over to create this forum...i dont even remember her. in fact, i dont even remember what writing a story feels like. Hell, its hard enough for me to write this.
whatever morals i had...i think flew out the window once i moved in with him. Half the time i hate who i am, half the time im to stressed out about my life to make any changes.
and sometimes i feel like im not good enough for him.
And everyone tells me i should leave him. But i cant. i tell myself over and over that its the best thing to do but for some reason i dont have the courage enough to leave him and live a life without him.
half the time we fight and i end up drunk off my ass in hopes it will make me feel better.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #16 on Feb 3, 2009, 4:17pm »
ok, so the week is going well. no stupid fights, just lots of cuddling and love and wonderful conversations like we used to have.
No drinking since that one night that i passed out, l actually tried to take a shot of vodka the other night and i could barely swallow is without wanting to puke it back up again. in fact, every time i think about vodka or gin or something i feel like gagging. which is good, but im not gonna lie, its hard to see all of your friends having a good time when your completely sober. monday is my party buddy, brooke's, birthday. she's having some masquerade party and i am not looking forward to dressing up. its such a hassle, cant i just come around and have a good time? but anyway, just more money i have to spend that i really shouldnt lol.
im trying really hard to embrace what little good things i have through all of this bad. so far its working. hopefully things will start looking up you know? i heard that by the end of february my hours will be back to normal. i hope to god thats true. i cannot live on such small paychecks.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #17 on Jan 31, 2009, 5:33pm »
oh my goodness. i am way sick right now. i ended up going home from work early this morning just because, i felt like i was going to hurl with every step i took.
life in general has been pretty unbearable. I felt like i was falling this past week. it scared me. i felt like i was losing my boyfriend and with it, everything i had tried to build around all of this. So many fights about stupid things took place, in the end i found myself getting drunk every single night and either spent the night crying my eyes out or onthe bathroom floor waiting to puke up whatever was left in me.
And then on thursday night i got incredibly drunk. so drunk i barely remember half the night and i ended up passing out and no one could get me to wake.
it was scary, i finally woke in the morning next to my love and i was like "you know whats scary? i dont even remember how i got in this bed."
and i realized that yeah, he's influenced me to do these things and they are killing me. im losing myself and im losing my love for everything. so no more drinking or smoking.
i can feel my health diminishing thats for sure, and all the while im broke off my ass, my hours were cut at work and im still living in this hell i call home with these controlling people.
and im going to do, is take baby steps forward, and look towards the future. february is here and i hope to god i can leave january behind and find better times. for myself and my baby.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 650 Location: The Rugby Field. My home.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #18 on Jan 28, 2009, 1:15am »
He had it all planned out. Every last detail. He would get out of this town, first of all. The doctors all knew him in this hospital, and all the nurses. They recognized his face by now, and even if they didn't, well, he could never be too careful. After he left the town, he'd find a nice, quiet suburb to stage a car accident in. Then, he could not only pretend to have amnesia, but he could also pretend to sue the driver, and he'd have money. And once he had money, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.
He couldn't be sure if it was just a whim, or if he'd finally gone crazy, but he was dead set on it. He'd thought about it. Dreamed about it. Needed it. He was going to do it, in front of God and man and devil alike.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,221 Location: Apocolypse Taco.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #19 on Jan 10, 2009, 12:16am »
Timmy remained in this state for another hour or so, when a thought occured to him. No one really knew who he was and people have survived without identities in this country time and time again. Maybe he could even find a way to forge a new one. This was his second chance at a normal, decent life away from the mistakes and terrors of the past one.
A large grin spread over his features as he began to plan out what he'd do. He figured he was somewhere near California and he could probably make his way to Hollywood. Maybe he'd do a little work in a resteraunt and try for acting jobs. Who knows? Maybe he could be the next big star to hit the silver screen. The thought warmed every part of his body.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 650 Location: The Rugby Field. My home.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #20 on Jan 1, 2009, 10:23pm »
"Uh... yes, out into the world again." The nurse said, a little suspicious and obviously weirded out. But Timmy wasn't really too concerned with how crazy the nurse now thought he was. In just a couple days, he would be free!! Back into society! And the best part was (and he hoped he wasn't jinxing it), no Fitz! He was free!!
His elation wore off after a few hours of wondering what it would be like when his thoughts came to a grinding halt. Sure, he would be free... but where would he go? He had no idea where he was, his way around, anybody who could help him, anywhere that would hire him... And he couldn't get a job, regardless; he didn't have his working papers. And, like with every time he was happy, the happiness faded, leaving cold depression and harsh anxiety in its wake. What was he going to do now?
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,221 Location: Apocolypse Taco.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #21 on Jan 1, 2009, 7:59pm »
But after too soon, the laughter died away and was replaced by a heavy sadness. His parents were gone and he was utterly alone. Granted, his parents were less than loving to him, but at least they had been some kind of connection to the world. Now he was simply by himself with nothing in front of him. "That's not depressing," he muttered.
Timmy sighed heavily and relaxed back into his pillows, deciding he wasn't going to dwell on the thought for too long. He glanced around for something to occupy his time and found the remote, but after the last bit of television he'd seen it was less than appealing. Timmy pulled up another remote connected to the bed and found the nurse button.
He hit the button and waited for a few moments before someone stepped in the room. It was a young in about his twenties with short cut blonde hair and dark, brown eyes. He smiled brightly at Timmy and walked beside his bed. "Well, good morning to you. I was wondering when you were going to come around. You've been out for about two days now. Severe shock, I believe."
Timmy stared at the man, noting that this was the first time he'd encountered a male nurse. "Two days? Heh, that's nothing. I've been out for longer," he laughed. The nurse gave him a slightly confused look and began to look over his chart. "Well, I think we'll just run a few tests now that you're up and, if everything looks good, we can send you on your way."
Timmy couldn't help but feel a small leap of hope in the nurse's words. "My way? Like, out into the world again?" He tried to surpress a small grin that began to form, but failed. The nurse gave him another look and quirked a brow.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #22 on Dec 31, 2008, 8:57pm »
How do i start this off? Im sitting here trying to decide what would be more important to say first about this year. But i suppose the easiest answer is to start from the beggining.
and i remember exactly where i was on new years eve, 2007. Sitting in our old house in greeley, in the middle of nowhere. On this damned computer of mine and blogging about how my life needs to change.
and then i cried, a lot. For myself...because i was so unhappy and lost in the world.
and what exactly were my new years resolutions? there were 7 to be exact, and here they were:
1.Get my liscense, and make my dad fix my car. 2.Get my GED. 3.Find a better job. 4.Find friends that love me. 5.Find a GUY that loves me. 6.Move away from parents. 7.Start at Front Range.
sadly, i believe i only achieved 3 of these but im happy with that, i honestly didnt think i could do any of them.
this year has been...so life changing. I learned to love myself, i learned to trust in others, i learned to let go of the past, and not get hurt by petty people and there actions.
i became stronger and more independent, i stepped out of that shy quiet shell, i dont let people lead me to decisions and i refuse to believe that i cannot find complete happiness in this world.
for the first time in a long time, i do not feel alone, and i feel so incredibly loved. and i thank the stars and the moons, and all of this earthly energy that my heart is able to beat and glow in this new rhythm.
and as for this coming year? bring it on, because i know that life isnt about getting better or worse anymore, its about changing in general, and you can take whatever comes at you in any way you like.
so the simplest new years resolution i can think of, is to stop biting my nails.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 650 Location: The Rugby Field. My home.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #23 on Dec 31, 2008, 6:45pm »
After realizing his location, Timmy started to panic. The hospital... wasn't he just AT the hospital? And... Fitz was there... and they escaped. That was it. That was the entire plan, all along, ever since Fitz made him OD. He'd planned the whole thing out. He was going to be sent to rehab, and he was going to see the news segment that his parents were killed, and he was going to faint, and get sent to the hospital.
But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he laughed. And he laughed and laughed and laughed. He didn't stop laughing for almost half an hour, and his stomach was clenched and his eyes were wet. 'I can't believe I just thought that!' Timmy thought, still laughing. 'Talk about far fetched!' Timmy crossed his arms behind his head, taking care to mind his IV drip, and laid there, still laughing. It felt good for him to be laughing. He hadn't felt that good for a long, long time.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,221 Location: Apocolypse Taco.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #25 on Dec 29, 2008, 9:39pm »
"Timmy? Timmy can you hear me?!" The voice sounded familiar, but too far off to be real. It was probably just something lingering from a dream. Was he dreaming? Was he even asleep or was he dead? He couldn't really remember what had happened before being sucked into the swallowing darkness.
He parted his lips, but nothing came out. His mouth felt so dry and his throat burned as he tried to gurgle up a response. Timmy felt hands on each side of his face and his eyelid was ripped open as a bright light was shined into them. He grunted loudly and tried to move, but something was restricting him.
"What...," he croaked out as he opened his eyes himself. It took a moment to adjust to the brightness of the completely white room. He scanned around and realized he was back in the hospital...of course.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 650 Location: The Rugby Field. My home.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #26 on Dec 29, 2008, 2:23am »
Timmy felt his face grow warm as pair after pair of eyes flickered from the TV screen, to his face, back to the TV, back to his face, around and around in circles so fast, Timmy wondered how they weren't getting dizzy. Then, something occurred to Timmy. Had he heard it right...? "Hey, are you able to rewind this?" He asked the nurse impatiently. She nodded, and hit a button on the remote. The news anchor remained motionless while his mouth moved in reverse, and then the nurse hit the play button. A couple murdered in cold blood by their missing son's tutor just this afternoon. Apparently, the tutor had kidnapped the boy with the parents' knowledge and when things didn't go right... After that, Timmy heard no more. He didn't see anything but darkness, didn't hear a sound, didn't smell, didn't taste, didn't feel. In the darkness in front of him, Fitz's cruel, sneering face was looking back at him, on his head a large sombrero and a poncho over his shoulders. There was a spark in his eye that Timmy was all too familiar with, a spark that meant more bad things were coming. Timmy felt the wind being knocked out of him, and he gasped for air like a fish out of water. 'That can't be true.' Timmy thought, slowly going incoherent with his lack of oxygen. The last thing he saw before fading completely was Fitz's yellowing teeth in a wide grin, in that all-too-familiar smirk that Timmy had grown to fear.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,221 Location: Apocolypse Taco.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #27 on Dec 24, 2008, 2:13am »
[-Blows the dust away.- I completely forgot about this!!]
After a couple of hours of wallowing in self pity, Timmy dragged himself out of bed and down to the recreational center. He plopped himself in front of the television and began thumbing through the different stations, finally ending up on the news.
On this evenings news report, we bring you a story of tragedy. A couple murdered in cold blood by their missing son's tutor just this afternoon. Apparently, the tutor had kidnapped the boy with the parents' knowledge and when things didn't go right, a fight broke out. The parents were both shot and the tutor escaped past the Mexican border. Police are now out searching for the missing boy and, hopefully, some answers. A complete description and picture are as follows...
Timmy stared at his face staring back at him from the television. His parents were dead and Mister Fitz had killed them and gotten away it. Of all the things in the world, he never thought that something could top what he'd already been through...he was wrong.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #28 on Dec 21, 2008, 9:21pm »
Love is probably the worst and most amazing thing i have encountered.
its completely unfair, and you do the stupidest thing....
its funny how i can be so sure of how much i love him, and ignore that tiny doubt inside of me.
taking risks is kind of fun you know...but i think in my case, this risk is so scary.
i am trusting in him to change for me one day, and he promices he will. but i dont think even he is sure if he can change.
all the while, i am giving him everything and somehow falling more and more in love with him every day and planning on creating my future with him in it.
if he lets me down, where will i be? after trying so hard to succeed and find the worth in this life....it can all fall away by having him let me down in the end. a broken heart is the ultimate pain, and i wonder if i can get over that if it happens.
although maybe i should just stop thinking about it so much.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #30 on Dec 17, 2008, 2:18am »
You know, at first all i asked for a was a bit more time with him.
god forbid he make his girlfriend feel like she is more special then the rest. I know he has a lot of people in his life. excuse me for thinking that when he asked me to be in this relationship he was ready to give me his all.
But he's right. its still so early, maybe its unfair for me to ask for such a thing.
but here i am, realising i have to change and deal with all of his stupid habits just because he will never change. He cant. how can i be sure that in the future he will change? because in the end i cannot be with a guy that does things i think are completely idiotic. Sooner or later he has to grow up....and if his girlfriend who is 8 years younger then him thinks so....then he must realise this too.
you know, he said he would call me before he went to bed. and the whole night i moped around, listening to sad love songs and trying to numb my mind.
all the while, in side i was really just waiting for that phone call.
and it never came, and i wonder....what is he going to give me then? a limited amount of time....a blow off ever other night. expecting it all to be ok because he says "i love you" and means it.
but im starting to think he doesnt know what he means.
when all i want to do is spend every moment with him and show him how much i love him.
silly of me, i know. wanting to feel special by the one guy i thought i could count on.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #31 on Dec 16, 2008, 10:38pm »
Maybe. Maybe I’ll see you today. Maybe the sun with shine down and show me the way. Glorious pale skin and lost breaths to the touch. I often wonder what electricity is running through these finger tips. Maybe You’ll look into my eyes. Where blind thoughts like to stray and colors of gold and green swirl to drive you insane. For what its worth I will blink once or twice for you. Maybe our song will start to play. Maybe I will finally learn to breath. My heart likes to miss a dozen beats. This seems to easy until you really start to think. Maybe I can finally fall asleep. Dreams of purple and gold clouds, your face inches from mine…dramatic scenes of love and adoration.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
Re: thoughts « Result #32 on Dec 4, 2008, 5:38pm »
Ugh. i dont even know what my problem is lately.
I feel so...empty. its wierd.
and every day we make plans with eachother yet i seem to pushed to the bottom of his "to do" list. He always has something to do, and it can never be something with me.
i see him every day and when i do we do nothing :/ and we are hardly ever alone. He has so many people in his life....should i be put above those people? is that selfish of me to think that? i mean i am aware that he is aloud to hang out with whoever he wants. But im not just...another friend of his. :/ im his girlfriend.
so why does it feel like i am just not worth his time?
and in the end...i cant even tell him this because he will think it is stupid of me. yet he'll never admit it.
right now i wonder what he is thinking....because i just keep hurting his feelings and not letting him know what is going on with me.
ugh. i dunno. everything is just so....jumbled in my head. i cant figure out how to just be happy with how things are. I mean....they arent that bad.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,118 Location: Colorado
thoughts « Result #33 on Nov 12, 2008, 1:16pm »
So your dear admin has been on top of the world the last couple of months.
How is it, that life can change so dramatically? And not just that, but how is that my whole perspective on life and....love and the people around me can change so drastically as well?
how many times can i let myself pour out so much words of love and amazing feelings and the change i am facing.
And all because of him? And every day it gets more and more unreal. As we get closer and closer and the time we're talking about how unreal it really is that we are together and how neither of us would have ever thought...this would happen.
2 and a half weeks we have been together.
just that.
how is that possible? when it feels like i have been with him for years. how is it that this man that i still have barely broken into, and have yet to learn everything about him....can make me feel so completely comfortable, more comfortable then i have ever felt around anyone. I find myself being so...i dont know. just acting, like i never thought i could act around anyone.
and the other night, he told me he wanted to fall in love with me more then anything.
and what scares me the most, is that i really feel...i already have.
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 258 Location: Wisconsin
Re: What type of subculture fashion are you into? « Result #37 on Aug 15, 2008, 3:53pm »
I really like victorian style, but lately i've been more into gothic loli. It's really cute, and I've grown a bit of an obsession for it lately... I've heard of steam punk before, but i've never really seen it, and I like the pictures you have of it! Especially the seond one.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,063 Location: New York
What type of subculture fashion are you into? « Result #38 on Jul 27, 2008, 7:46pm »
it's off the topic of writing, but i thought it could get a conversation going....
What type of fashion are you into? by this i mean, do you dig romantigoth? what about fairy goth? cyber punk? emo? What's your style?
Myself, I've always been fascinated with the renaissance. Lately, though (as in the last couple weeks), I've been getting into steampunk. For those f you who don't know, steampunk is an off shoot of victorian goth centered on old scifi novels...in other words, dressing like a character out of a HG wells (i share a birthday with him! badass i say!) novel.
Joined: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 650 Location: The Rugby Field. My home.
Re: Operation Timmy « Result #39 on Jul 22, 2008, 12:08am »
With any remaining civility he had left after that low blow, Timmy said, "That's awesome, Belinda! If you'd excuse me, though, I think I need to be excused." He got up and left the table before he could even smack himself for the crappy attempt at intelligence.
Belinda looked at his plate as he stood up and ran out of the cafeteria. "But... you barely ate any of it...." She stared at his plate for a second, then sighed and returned to the nurse's station.
Timmy was lying on his bed apathetically, staring at the ceiling. 'Go figure.' He kept thinking. 'The one good thing that happens to me gets ruined.' It was just his luck, though, that the nurse he assumed had been flirting back and dropping hints for the past couple of weeks had a fiance, and was getting married in weeks. He'd been foolish for hoping anything would come of it, and he'd been absolutely, downright idiotic to think that she would ever fall for a patient (guilty of alleged drug abuse or not).
He stayed like that for the rest of the night, despite the fact that he was supposed to show up for the night's planned group activity. Some two-bit musical group was coming to perform for the patients, and explain to them the wonders of sobriety. 'Woo-hoo.' Timmy thought sarcastically.
Later, when Johnny came in, Timmy sat up cautiously and asked the question he'd been pondering over for several hours. "Hey, Johnny, why didn't you tell me she was engaged?" Johnny shrugged. "It never really occurred to me. Sorry, buddy." Timmy just sighed, and laid back down. 'Of course it didn't.' He thought. 'Of course it didn't.'
"They say that, there's no such place...as paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But in spite of that, why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me, it says, 'Search....for paradise.'"
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i definitely learned a lot though. i am always stressed out and frustrated with my life, because its one problem after the next but...its life. it goes on weather you want it to or not. ![[avatar]](http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h217/Crazy_Wonderful/Avatars/punk.jpg)
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